Making career compromises as a mother

Despite all the research on how men are as capable of parenting as women, and that both partners should be equals in a relationship and share the responsibility of child rearing, the fact is that it is almost always the woman who is expected to make career sacrifices and focus on the child’s growing up.
Whether you attribute it to culture, nature, nurture or traditions, the reality is that many women are often rueful of the fact that their years invested in gaining higher education only ended up with them as professional diaper changers and that they never got to realise their career potential or perhaps achieved it at the cost of compromising on parenting.It’s sad because both paths are riddled with guilt and a sense of frustration. I personally think the key is attitude. If you are aware that it is expected of you to be a hands-on full-time parent then have children only when you are ready for that commitment or make it clear upfront that career is important and discuss sharing the parenting job very clearly.
Parenting is a full-time job. At times it might seem overwhelming, arduous, lacking in appreciation, monotonous, etc., but remember, you’d experience the same emotions even in your workplace. If you’ve committed to being a parent, do it wholeheartedly. Make each day a challenge to bring more excitement, experiences, laughter into everyone’s lives and to be able to relive your childhood in many ways through them. Make weekly video diaries for everyone to laugh at and watch it together 30 years later, or be the official family photographer and capture every memorable moment, every expression, every phase, and every look. Don’t just put them on the ferris wheel or in the swimming pool, do it with them. If you’ve embarked on the journey, enjoy it to its fullest potential. It’s not just a job; it’s an opportunity to have the best time of your life in a role you can never be fired from. You didn’t give up your career; you opted for one that gives you ‘love currency’.
I have been in a serious relationship for four years now. Careerwise, I want to explore my options abroad, but my boyfriend hasn’t taken my decision well. He feels I don’t feel as strongly for him to let distance come between us. How do I convince him that it is not true?
If he feels you don’t feel strongly about him why is he holding onto you in the first place? Tell him it’s only because you know the relationship is strong that you are taking this decision. After all, if a relationship isn’t sturdy after four years, what are the chances it will ever be. In fact, turn the tables and tell him that if he truly loves you, he would want you to realise all your dreams and that it’s now, more than ever, that you need his love and support and that you’d do the same for him if he were to follow his dreams.
I am a mother of two, and I took a sabbatical from work to raise my children. It has been a beautiful journey no doubt, but I miss working. We don’t have a support system in the city with whom I can trust my kids, and so my husband isn’t keen that I get back to work? I have been feeling miserable ever since...
I understand the need to keep those juices flowing, so figure out something that you can do from home for a while till your children are old enough to go to school and then start a part-time job while they are away at school. Alternately, do some interesting correspondence courses from home that would enhance your work potential and keep abreast of all the happenings in your field of interest. It will be of immense value to you when your kids are older and you do get back into your desired avenue of work. See this phase as an investment time into your kids and yourself too.
I am in a relationship with the person I love and wanted to be with. We have been in a relationship for a year now and decided to get married as we both are 28 years old which we feel is an age to settle down. We were honest to each other till recently, she told me something which she should have at the start of our relationship. She said that she got married to someone when she turned 18 and her marriage lasted only three months. I was shocked and asked her as to why she lied to me? She cried and said she didn’t want to tell me because she was scared I’d leave her. We are still together but I have random negative thoughts and feel like she trapped me in her love. Can I trust her or should I move on?
In that case she is right. You would have left her if you’d have known this earlier. She wanted you to love her for herself and not be clouded by her circumstances. No doubt what she hid is something that should have been shared, but remember, you didn’t find out, she told you. What upsets you is that she didn’t tell you earlier. What you need to figure out is whether the person and the love you both share is more important than the divorcee tag she carries with her.
I am an 18-year-old girl and I like a guy very much but he’s my brother’s friend. Obviously, its very difficult for me to approach him. I am not at all in much talking terms with him. But I know his nature through my brother. Secondly, by gauging the present circumstances, I feel that there is nothing from his side but somewhere down the line, I feel that in future we may get involved as we have a lot in common. But sometimes I get confused because my male friends often tell me that I am just dreaming about things without taking a step and in turn spoiling my life. My parents are open minded but my brother is unpredictable. What do I do?
He’s not interested, you find it difficult to approach him and your brother is unpredictable. Wow! That’s a potential combination for disaster. If you approach him and he rejects you, you lose him, and if your brother finds out about any of this, you’d cause him to lose a friend too. I think it is best to stay away from this one.